(A snippet of what God has revealed to me in the process of looking for a house. There is much more to share, but wanted to give some of the revelations God placed in me through the process...)
For the past 4 or 5 years, I have been attempting to purchase a home. Not just any home, one that is just fit for me. Can I tell you my experience and what God has revealed to me? Buying a home is extremely similar to finding a husband…I know, I know, you’re probably thinking, “Finding a husband?!...Sis, you don’t look for a husband, it is HE who finds a good thing, not SHE…”. Sis, I know, ok? LOL. I get it. But this is what God has revealed to me, so I have to put it in this way, so that you will understand. Please trust that I am not trying to FIND anything, and that this will help you understand what I am referring to later on. Just keep reading!...
In looking for a home, it is broken up into separate details. First, you have to know for certain if you are ready to buy a home. Is it within your budget? Is it a right fit for your lifestyle? These are the first questions that came to mind, when I decided I wanted to buy a home. However, I would have never thought to apply this to situations in my daily life. Why? Because it was obvious to me that having property was a good thing! I didn't need to do all the extra work in figuring out whether or not it was right for me in the current season I was in.
My first thought of purchasing a home was when I lived in New Orleans, LA (NOLA). Before this time, I didn't have any thoughts about it, being that I was moving from place to place during pharmacy school and residency. But here in NOLA, was my first time I could actually see myself settling down! I had a career and could afford to, so why not? I was a bit hesitant at first, but soon found this to be a deep desire of mine. To purchase a home was an achievement. So, I began looking for a home. I had no idea what I was doing, so I decided to take a first-time home buyers' course. This definitely did help. It helped me focus on what I had and what I needed, in order to purchase. Before I knew it, I was looking for a home. For anyone who has begun the process of purchasing, the first recommended thing to do is see how much you qualify for. This way, you can ensure that you are searching in the right price range. For me, my credit was good, I had no real debt (besides student loans). Once I qualified, I didn't realize that was the EASY part. As I began searching, God revealed so many things to me. Things that I am learning in various aspects until this day. Now, how do you ask, did I ever relate this to finding a husband? Well, let me explain…
LOCATION
In my search for a home, I came across various factors that really tied into what a good quality home would be, and ultimately, if it was the right fit for me. One of the first things is location. You see, location is EVERYTHING! You can find the nicest home, but if it is in what we call the ‘hood’ or not so great an area, it may not be the best choice, no matter how beautiful the home itself is! I experienced this when searching. Especially being in NOLA, it was hard not to find a home in not-so-great areas. The ones I did see for reasonable prices, were at times, not worth it, due to the high crime rates in the area. As I realized this about houses, God was simultaneously showing me about the type of husband He wants for me (and all His daughters). Let’s say you do meet this guy. He is perfect (in your eyes)! But his family is crazy. You may be thinking, well, the husband is great, so what? I am not marrying the family. And that sis, is the wrong way to think. Unless the family is thousands of miles away, the fact is, you ARE indeed marrying into the family. Oh, you don’t think so? Ask any married couple. Not to say each marriage shows equal involvement with family, but there are things in a marriage that you will have to bear, with the husband’s family. I cannot give you the perfect scenario or situation, but this is indeed the case.
INSIDE
As I came across many homes online, the first thing that caught my attention was the outside. In the real estate world, this is referred to as ‘curb appeal’. Oxford dictionary describes curb appeal as the attractiveness of the property for sale and its surroundings when viewed from the street. I would get so excited scrolling and finding that perfect ranch style home with a two-car garage, perfect green cut grass and quaint neighborhood. It was EVERYTHING! However, when I continued scrolling through the photos, the inside didn't quite look as attractive. In fact, it was a hot mess! I would be in disbelief. Now you may be thinking, "well sis, where are you looking at homes? I can find plenty in my area that are nice both inside and out, and you can too!" I am well aware of this. And I am confident that I will eventually find this, however there are specific things I am looking for in a home. Not every house I come across is fit for me and what I need. There may be some that are too expensive, some too big, others too small and various other reasons besides the look of the home. As I was thinking about this, I thought, wow Lord, the house itself, I have to be attracted to, both outside and in! Similar to a husband. You see, many men are attractive on the outside, but their inside is a mess. They have a heart of stone, are inconsiderate of your needs, and so many other things. He could be fine as wine and have a twelve pack, but is that all you want sis? If so, then you are indeed not ready for marriage. If you think just the appearance is enough to keep a relationship going, you will be exiting that relationship as fast as you entered it! Growing up, I was this way. All about the outward appearance. But the word of God says that man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart (I Samuel 16:7). This is why we need to go to God daily for wisdom and instruction on who He wants for us. He knows what is ultimately best. He created you AND that husband you desire. So, why not go to the Creator for this (and everything else)? I am not saying that you shouldn’t be attracted to that person you will marry (because this is VERY important), but it is not the determining factor of whether or not this is a person you should marry. I am a big advocate for being attracted to your spouse. But more so let the inward attractiveness of his soul shine through, this is the type of attraction that will last forever.
INSPECTION
I recall a situation in New Orleans when I went to look at a townhome that I was interested in. Everything appeared perfect! It was all I wanted, including the price. It was hard to believe a home like this was going for such a deal. It was all too good to be true, until I received a call a few days later from my realtor.
Realtor: “Hi Charita, I have some bad news for you?”
Me: “Yes, what is it?”
Realtor: “The townhome you really liked? Well, I did a look through its history and…well…the foundation is off…”
Sis, foundation is EVERYTHING! With a home, if a foundation is off, there’s no point in even moving forward, no matter how beautiful the home. I learned this quickly through this experience. I absolutely couldn't believe what I was hearing. After I finally found something that I liked, both inside and out (so I thought), this came up? Lord what is it!? I knew I felt some slants in the carpet while walking around in the living room of the home, but I must’ve been in denial. Sis, sometimes when something is too good to be true, it probably is! This was one of these cases. I look back and now see that everything happens for a reason. I am glad that I did not purchase the townhome prior to my realtor telling me this. Similar to a husband. If his foundation is off, you need to move on. Now, you may be asking, “What do you mean by foundation sis?” Well, the Word of God talks about foundation. It talks about a house built on sand versus one built on a solid foundation (Matthew 7:24-27). Christ is our foundation! He is our solid rock. That is the foundation we should be on. The same goes for our spouse. “Well, sis…” you may be thinking…”He does go to church, so he’s on a good foundation. He’s a Christian!” You may be saying these things, but is he really? You will know them by their works. Are they showing the fruit of a Christian? Before taking an inventory of him, take an inventory of yourself. Checking your intentions and ensuring you are a Christian. Are you living a righteous life? Can you randomly walk up to one of your co-workers today and invite them to church and ensure they wouldn't be in disbelief that you were even a Christian? It’s important to do a heart check with yourself first, THEN with the potential mate. If your heart posture is for Christ, you wouldn't even second guess ensuring this man’s heart is for God. You would already have that discernment to know if it is or not! You see, there is no firm foundation in a relationship without Christ. He has to be the center of it. It starts with your relationship with Him. You cannot make this up! God knows your heart more than any of us, including ourselves. Me not getting that townhome was indeed disappointing, but I was grateful to have missed what could have been a disaster. My heart posture is not after desperately finding a home, that I would give in to something as major as a rocky foundation, that would be crazy! The same goes for entering a relationship with someone who doesn't TRULY know Christ.
TIMING
As the famous saying goes, ‘timing is EVERYTHING’! This couldn't be ever so true! I am learning this so much with finding a home. I realize that timing matters. God has all timing in His hands. He knows the end from the beginning. He is ETERNAL! I rather fit myself in His timing, than me try to fit him in mine (although it would never work). I have realized that, although I thought I would be ready for a home, I actually wasn’t. Almost 3 years ago, I moved from NOLA to Maryland. If I would have bought a home in NOLA, I wouldn't have been necessarily ready and would have had to sell or rent out the property. I am grateful for God’s timing. He knew a year later I would be moving to Maryland. He had everything planned out. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am still looking here in Maryland. But I have found to be content. I am not rushing the process! Just like with a husband. He has that perfect man in mine for you. He is working things out behind the scenes, in His perfect timing!
THE RIGHT ONE
As I continue to look for homes, I have to be cognizant of 2 things: (1) never settle and (2) don’t give up. When you’re searching for something, you have high hopes that it will happen, just as it has for others. But then there’s this thing that creeps in as you go from one disappointment to the next, discouragement. Discouragement has the root word courage in it, however, the prefix ‘dis’ means for not or none. Courage includes the definition of strength in the face of pain or grief. Do you know that God tells us to be courageous? There are numerous verses on courage.
To quote a few:
“...Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go…” (Joshua 1:9)
“...Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong…” (I Corinthians 16:13)
“...For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline…” (2 Timothy 1:7)
“...Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me…” (Psalms 23:4)
The Word of God tells us to be courageous and strong. And no, this is not just for men, sis this is for you too! We are strong and courageous because we are daughters of the most high. He will fight our battles. Just know that the right one is right around the corner. But most importantly, know you already have the ONLY one, Jesus Christ! We can have the perfect home and family, but without God, it is all vanity. So take hope and courage today. You are already on the win for knowing the ONLY perfect one that will never leave, forsake or disappoint you, EVER (Deuteronomy 31:6)!
YOU’RE QUALIFIED!
Remember in the beginning when I said that I had to be qualified before finding a home? That it helps me stay within my price range and lets realtors know I am serious about finding a home? Well sis, that’s exactly it! YOU ARE QUALIFIED! Not just for finding a spouse, but for anything God has destined for you to achieve. You have the tools, through Jesus Christ, to get the job done. You are qualified through His blood purchased for you over 2000 years ago. You are fit for the call. Never second guess the desires God has placed in you. Just as it takes time to find a home after being qualified, it may take some time for things to work out in finding a spouse. It is a process! Just because you are not married yet, does not make you unqualified. NEVER think this! But that’s just the easy part! Being qualified shows you your value, it does not show you how to get there. Everything is a process and takes time. One thing for certain is to keep trusting and believing through FAITH. Above all, seek the kingdom of God and His righteousness (Matthew 6:33).
Love you in Christ,
Sis Rita 💕
Founder of The Lord’s Prayer Ministries
